Shen’s Scribbles and Thoughts

Pursuing Your Happyness

Written on May 31, 2008 – 11:50 pm | by shenbrood

How easy it is to pursue what makes you happy? Have you tried to really
find the true thing that makes you happy or have you already found it?

I thought that happyness comes in full but it seems that happyness comes
in bits and pieces. You can be happy and contented with your chosen
path and career but you may not be happy with your love life or you may
be happy with your love life but not with your chosen path and
career… or you may be that rare person who is happy with both.

I remember watching the movie Pursuit of Happyness and whenever I go back to it I am reminded of how hard life really is. People keep on
searching for their happyness in many places and still they are unable
to find it. For many years I though that I was indeed happy and
contented but it seems I am not fully happy. There are many things that
bothers me everyday though my personality keeps me on going to face
these challenges in life.

My kids are now under my full jurisdiction and I have to send them to school and provide their basic needs while my ex-wife have to tender with her new
husband and 3 kids with him. I always thought that things would work
out fine but it is harder than that. I cannot even be with all of my
kids because of many restrictions. I want to give a bright future to my
three children… John Dwight, Helen Cleodara and David Jr. Their
future and happyness is of prime importance to me.

I find it also very difficult and weird on finding contentment in love. I do not
know but it seems that I am in search for a person that will really
love me for who I am and accept me fully including all that I cared for
and all that I love to do. The fact that I am also bisexual adds up to
that complexity. Though I no longer blame my past for what I am now and
how I feel about love, sex and stuff sometimes I also wish that it
could have been simpler.

Forty-five relationships and experiences since high school was not easy. It was full of complexities, heartaches and sometimes pain that was so hard to endure.

Men and women were very different in many ways and that makes there
experiences both meaningful, complicated and the level of pain very
different.

In this days of my life I have various responsibilities and BROOD or Brotherhood of Destiny was one of them.

It was the main purpose that keeps me going in life. This organization
changed me a lot and creates a sense of accomplishment and a family
which I have longed for many years.

Staying focused in life is again another struggle and responsibility which I should maintain. I admit that I have many discontentments and I wish that all would fall in the right place and that people who they say they loved me will just love me for what I am so that finally I can be happy and achieve the happyness that I have been pursuing for so long.

To all those who would read this post there is one thing I would like you to
remember… “No matter what happens and no matter what hardship you are facing always remain strong and steadfast for all things will come to pass.”